How to Be Happy

Background

Personal Balance for Happiness

A Twelve Step Process

1. Gratitude. The mind constructs its own reality that is largely independent of its surroundings. Happiness is a choice and it is possible to construct both negative and positive realities. Since the choice is arbitrary, there is no reason to construct a negative reality unless you want that. A positive reality makes life so much richer, so it is preferable.
   
   To construct a positive reality, restrict your interpretations and internal talk to what is neutral or positive. Be thankful for the positives. Find something every day you are thankful for. Be around positive people. Recognize the unique talents you have. Acknowledge and accept compliments graciously. Smile. Prefer uplifting materials and information sources, and if you are exposed to negatives, look for the positives within them. Be aware that others have negative realities, and that's unfortunate for them, but you can let their negativity pass through you without changing you, since it isn't your reality. Avoid such sources of negativity.^[1]
   
   
2. Very long term goals. Including good career goals. In a short term culture many believe in just winging it and doing what everyone else does. We see this at the top levels of business and politics where many have no idea what they're doing and are just playing it by ear. We see a lot of people betting on the status quo, or figuring their careers out one small step at a time. I believe that these do not create positive value in the world, whether economic or personal. Chances are you will still be around in 30 or more years, and happiness comes from constructing a long, visionary value for your life and accomplishing many goals of importance to you. Happiness should not be delayed or postponed or made contingent on any outcome, because it is achievable in the present. However, long term goals provide a context and sense of purpose to guide one's life.^[2]
   
   
3. Exercise regularly. This should ideally include both aerobic and anaerobic components. It helps a lot to have a workout buddy to motivate you. If you don't feel good just walking around outside can get the blood going. Studies have shown aerobic exercise can be equally effective as antidepressant drugs, although the drugs often wane in effectiveness over time, whereas exercise does not.^[3]
   
   
4. Eat healthy. Eat sufficient quantities of proteins and vegetables within a balanced diet. Avoid too much fat or sugars, foods with corn syrup and maltodextrin, including soft drinks, highly processed foods, or any food with a list of more than a few ingredients. I was inspired by the Paleolithic diet and Michael Pollen's the Omnivore's Dilemma. Watch this video about healthy eating by Dr. Terry Wahls. Avoid losing or gaining too much body weight and muscle, by eating nutritious foods like legumes, greens, berries, nuts, and complex carbs in moderation, instead of empty calories. Avoid over- or under- eating or skipping any meals. When feeling bad, check if your energy is running down and grab a snack if so, ideally a long lasting energy source containing protein balanced with other food groups. If weight loss is desired do it gradually by maintaining a healthy diet and increasing aerobic exercise.^[4]
   
   
5. Go to bed on time. This I struggle with. I feel better when I wake up near sunrise. This is because sunlight is a hormonal regulator, and due to the Circadian rhythm. Night shift workers have documented health problems such as heightened cancer risk and significantly shorter lifespan.^[5]
   
   
6. Socialize in moderation. People with little social support are more likely to experience depression, or further ejection from social circle due to perceived negativity, lack of reciprocation or social interest. What helped my socializing a lot was going to regular activities, such as rock climbing, Argentine tango, and practising being outgoing, asking people about themselves, working a room and talking to everyone. It is necessary to go outside your comfort zone to overcome fears. It also helped me to always live with roommates. I believe active listening and genuinely being interested in others is helpful. I also found it's best to make friends in a "repeated context," a class or activity that occurs weekly or bi-weekly, since then if there is a connection it can be more easily resumed every week as you build up trust naturally with someone. On the other extreme, I've seen people who over-socialize, while gaining valuable social skills, are likely to neglect other life areas.^[6]
   
   
7. Date some. Or if in a relationship, be around your significant other some, but don't let them overwhelm you or be the center of your life. Love can add happiness, stability, and longevity to life. Married people live up to ten years longer on average than unmarried people. Like anything, relationships are harmful if taken to an extreme, because independent self-development is stunted, and if one's happiness depends on another person, emotional instability results.^[7]
   
   
8. Have strong connections with a few good people, rather than superficial ones.
   
   
9. Be close to family and mend disputes. Recognize that everyone is flawed -- give and seek forgiveness if necessary.
   
   
10. Care for and help others. Volunteer. Pet some animals. Help someone out with a problem.
    
    
11. Impermanence. This is an idea borrowed from Buddhism. Many variants of Buddhism present Nirvana and the detachment from all material things as a main goal, for the prevention of suffering. In my view this is an extreme that is contrary to finding balance. However Buddhism has good advise on not clinging to material phenomena or things that change or pass. It is dangerous to cling to the past, or the future, or other people, or a car you will have, or a job you want. The reason is that if you make your happiness conditional on these things, it is inevitable that you will have suffering, because these will transform into other forms, or pass. Instead, be able to experience the moment, now and be happy in this moment. Having long term goals makes you feel a purpose, but you shouldn't delay your happiness for the future, live in the past, or make your happiness dependent on transient material phenomena such as other people or objects. Happiness is now and achievable to everyone. It is found within, not in objects or people.
    
    
12. Agency. Take actions that directly affect your life, and improve your situation. Agency gives people purpose and happiness, feeling that they have made a change. Avoid exerting energy on anything that leaves you feeling powerless. For example, take up hobbies that involve building, constructing, composition, or creativity, where you make a change. Avoid exerting any energy on politics, organized religion, news, or other large systems where you are passive, have no effect, and your emotions are dependent on something beyond you (and especially if it is not a source of positive energy).
    
    

Closing Remarks

References